If I am honest, I really thought we would be holding a little one in our arms this Christmas Eve, instead of napping and wrapping last minute presents before heading to our family get together. I thought this Christmas Eve would be filled with my family passing around my little one or ones, fighting over who would get to hold them for the majority of the night. I pictured myself holding hands with Seth, as we watched our little miracles sleep in a little bassinet in our room on their first Christmas Eve. I thought we would wake up and have "Santa" even if they were a day old. Boy oh Boy, how I thought...Key word in all of this, I thought...
Guess what, my thoughts are not where perfection lies. But oh how I thought they were. I thought this would be the perfect time of the year for a baby to come, because I am off school and it would just be our very own Christmas miracle. I thought Christmas would be a special time for the Lord to open up a way for us to adopt, I had it all planned out, but the Holy Spirit is reminding my heart over and over of this scripture:
"'For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,' declares the Lord. 'As the heavens are higher than the Earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts'." --Isaiah 55:8-9
My idea of the perfect timing is not God's. He knows the perfect situation for our little family and He knows what will make our hearts whole. God knows the disappointment I have felt in my heart this whole Christmas season, He knows the heartbreak, the anger, the total "Scrooge" mentality that I have tried so hard to mask to others. He knows. He saw past it all. I didn't fool him.
Just a little bit ago I was about to lay down for a nap, and I asked the Lord, "Why? I thought you were going to send a baby this December. Where is he or she?"
Guess what He answered? He said, "I did, and His name was Jesus."
I couldn't breathe. I felt like someone had just knocked the wind out of me. Tears began to flow, they are still flowing now as I type. He did send a baby. He sent His One and Only son for me. He sent Jesus for the broken, for the unseen, for the hurting, He sent Jesus for me! It's His Son that makes this whole season even come about. He did send me a baby, and that baby is my Savior, my All in All, my Everything, and it is because of Him that I am able to have hope that one day I will bring a little one home into our little family.
In August of this year, I felt like the Lord whispered December to me. I have held on to that little word from Him. I know He told me that, but oh how the enemy is trying to get me to think I made it up. Now, it is December 24th, we have no little one in our arms, but that doesn't mean God didn't follow through with His word. December may be the month that little one is conceived in, it may be the month that our precious birth mother finds out she is pregnant, it may be next December that God sends us our little one or ones, who knows what that whisper to my heart meant, only God knows.
I can say this for sure, His word never returns to us void, the Bible says,
"so shall my word be that goes forth out of my mouth: it shall not return to me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing I sent it to do." --Isaiah 55:11
That word from Him is true and whatever He told you is true. Even if it seems like it should have already happened, we have to trust God that His word is never failing. His ways are higher than ours! He has good plans for you! We are going to make it through this season, because of the baby that did come, His name is Jesus! He loves us so much that He is orchestrating the most perfect plan that only He could design. I can't wait to watch yours and ours unfold. With God being the author, I have no doubt it will be nothing short of miraculous.
Seth and I are trusting God in this season. God has us and He has You; He sent us a baby "in December", and His name is Jesus. Wow, I don't think that'll ever get old.
Merry Christmas from my heart to yours,
Amy DuVall
